So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
