I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
