so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
