Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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