I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
