You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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