Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
