im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
