I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
