Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
