Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Randomize
