Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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