So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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