we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
