I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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