Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
