So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
