The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
