You really coming over, don't trick.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
