Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
