Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
