Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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