im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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