I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is Oprah even human
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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