Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
