a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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