I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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