Umm I'm too high to move.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
