Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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