He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
