What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
