Duck Duck Cougar?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
