just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
