my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
