i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
