Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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