it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
