i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
