Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dicks are not precious.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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