The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
