Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
