dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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