the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
