Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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