you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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