don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
