why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
