I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
