Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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