Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
