why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
