i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
