Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
