I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
