its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
