I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
