Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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