Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
