I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
