Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
