This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she told me i tasted like america
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
