She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
